


The Goddess of Pies

by spemhabemus



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Coming of Age, Food, Gen, Menstruation, Off-World, Rituals, Squick, Women In Power
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spemhabemus/pseuds/spemhabemus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth accompanies John's team on a mission to negotiate for pastries, but they encounter a little delay when the villagers find out that she has never undergone the coming of age ceremony to please their goddess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Goddess of Pies

_Oh, crap_ , Elizabeth thought within seconds of waking up on Aphrulus.  She tried to convince herself it was something else, but her visit to the latrine confirmed it.  It was over a week early, too, and she hadn’t brought any supplies.  She rummaged through the first aid kit she had brought into her and Teyla’s tent from the jumper, but found nothing even remotely useful except a roll of gauze, which, well, as a last resort…

She sighed and went to find Teyla.

 

Rodney was already stuffing his face by the time John and Ronon made their way to the village pavillion.  They had just got back from a run together, and John was starving.  He was glad Rodney had discovered a planet known for their baked goods, and surprised when Elizabeth approved the mission to trade for their delicacies.  She knew it would cost them lots of labor and supplies, but the blue Jell-o just wasn’t cutting it for anyone anymore.  Elizabeth had rationalized that homemade pies and cookies would boost morale on Atlantis.  But she had one condition:  she would accompany John’s team on the mission to broker the deal herself.

The villagers spread out tables covered with rows and rows of flaky pastries resembling cheese Danishes, something that looked eerily similar to a Pop-tart, honey-glazed fruit, and more.  

“Didn’t wait for us to start eating, huh?” John remarked as he bit into a caramel apple.

“Hey, it is a long walk from our tent to the village,” Rodney said.  “Why is Teyla’s and Elizabeth’s practically in the center of everything and ours is miles away?”

“They don’t like men here,” Ronon grunted, examining a miniature pie.

“He’s right,” John agreed.  “Have you seen a single man since we got here?  Except for us?”

“Admittedly, no,” said Rodney.

“There they are.”  Ronon pointed in the general direction of Teyla, who had been leaning casually against a tree several yards away.  She had probably just finished her morning meditation.

Elizabeth strode up to Teyla, took her arm gently, and whispered something in her ear.

“Wonder what they’re talking about,” said Rodney.

John shrugged as he plucked a chocolate-covered berry into his mouth.

Teyla pulled away from Elizabeth and shook her head, then gestured toward one of the large tents that some of the village women had been going in and out of.  The two of them walked toward the tent together and disappeared inside it.

“I hope they don’t have access to better food than we have out here,” said Rodney.

“Get over it, McKay.”  John rolled his eyes and wiped his sticky fingers on his pants.  “Let’s see what they’re up to.”

 

“You do not understand,” Teyla told one of the village elders, Relia, as Elizabeth stood awkwardly at the back of the tent, surrounded by a hoard of women.  “My friend simply needs access to the provisions you use.  She does not need a ceremony.”

“No, my child,” Relia responded.  Her voice was as wispy as her white-blonde hair that flowed around her plump waist.  “This is what we do on Aphrulus to honor coming into womanhood.  She has never gone through this ceremony, so she must now, in order to please the goddess Aphroditulus.  If she does not go through with the ceremony, Aphroditulus may be angry with us, and cause spoils upon our food, and the food we provide to you.”

“I understand.”  Teyla smiled weakly and turned toward Elizabeth, whose face had turned completely white.  “I do not want your goddess to be angry at you.  But you see, on Elizabeth’s home planet, she has gone through the ceremony of womanhood already.”

Yes, thought Elizabeth,  if my mother giving me a hot water bottle and a copy of _Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret_ counts as a ceremony.

“That’s right,” Elizabeth chimed in.  “I have.”

“Aphroditulus also looks over your planet?” Relia frowned.  “She is our sole protector, and we are her sole protected.  This is not possible.”

“Well,” said Elizabeth, “strictly speaking…”

“Then it is settled.”  Relia clapped her hands, and two of the village women guided Elizabeth out of the tent by her shoulders.

 

“You cannot go in there,” the woman with dark, wavy hair and thick eyebrows who guarded the tent told John.

“Why not?” he asked.

The woman knitted her eyebrows together.  “It is a sacred space that the unclean may not enter.”

“The unclean?” Rodney repeated, motioning wildly at himself.  “And what exactly have we done to make ourselves unclean?”

“You were born of the gods, not the goddesses,” the troll-like woman explained.

“Oh, I see.”  Rodney stepped back and made eye contact with John and Ronon.  “It’s because we have penises.”  He glared at the girl.  “That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I would prefer not to speak in such terms,” she said sternly.

“What exactly are they doing in there?” John asked.

“I am not at liberty to share that.”

Rodney moaned.

“Well, when are they coming back out?” John asked impatiently.  “We’re supposed to have a trade negotiation in half an hour.”

“Your negotiation can wait.  A more pressing matter has come up.”

Two women steering Elizabeth by the shoulders exited the tent, and Teyla trailed behind them a moment later, speed-walking to keep up.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” John asked, jogging up to Elizabeth.  The girls were maneuvering her quite quickly toward some unknown destination.

“You don’t want to know,” Elizabeth said.

“Are you all right?”

“Please do not walk so close to us,” one of the girls holding Elizabeth snapped.

“It’s okay, John,” Elizabeth assured him.  “Just let this one go.”

“What the hell are you two doing?” John demanded to the girls, who refused to look him in the eye.

He fell behind them and Teyla stopped short.  “John, Elizabeth must take part in a ceremony.  It should not take too long, but you are not allowed to look at or talk to her while it is happening.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand,” he replied.  “But what’s this ceremony all about?”

“It is...a custom all women on this planet must undergo,” Teyla explained, her eyes shifting to her feet.  “John, I must go and help her get ready.  Stay here.”  She pushed past him.

Ronon and Rodney caught up to John as Teyla fluttered past.  Ronon’s mouth was open in a silent laugh.

“What do you know that we don’t?” Rodney asked, panting.

“What the ceremony’s about.”  Ronon took a smug bite of a candied fig.

“Care to share?”  Rodney placed a hand on his hip.

“Not really.”

“Go to hell,” John told him, and went off to see if he could find any alcohol.

 

Elizabeth was naked and more uncomfortable than she had ever been in her life.  Two girls were giving her a sponge bath, and a third girl was washing her feet.  She had told Teyla to stay outside, because the only thing more embarrassing than strangers seeing her bleeding like a stuck pig and naked was someone she actually knew seeing her in the same situation.

“The ritual cleansing is complete,” Parnella, the girl who had been washing Elizabeth’s feet, told her.

Elizabeth let out a breath.  “Good.”

“Now onto the bath.”

“Didn’t you just bathe me?” Elizabeth asked.

“We have physically cleansed you.  Now we will cleanse your soul,” Parnella explained patiently.

The bath actually felt, and smelled, nice.  Flower petals floated around in essential oils in a big stone tub.  Elizabeth was never a fan of baths, mostly because she didn’t have time for them.  But she had been sleeping on the ground for two nights now, without access to running water, so she decided to enjoy this while she could.  

Two of the girls slathered her hair with perfume, and helped her out of the bath tub.  They wrapped a muslin cloth around her waist - finally, she thought - and drew a white silk gown over her head.

“Where are my clothes?” Elizabeth asked.

“They will be burnt in sacrifice to Aphroditulus, in accordance with the tradition,” said Parnella.

“Oh.  Yes.  Of course.”  Elizabeth bit her lip.

“It is now time for your friend’s part of the ceremony,” Parnella said once she had seated Elizabeth on a wooden stool.  “Normally a girl’s mother would perform this function, but since your mother is not here, Teyla can do it.  We have told her to gather wild flowers, and she will place them in your hair.  She will also present you with a gift in the village.”

Elizabeth swallowed.  “We’re going back to the village?”

“Yes.  That is where the end of the ceremony will take place.”

Oh no.  Elizabeth’s heart skipped a beat.  John.  Rodney.  Ronon.  I’ll never hear the end of this.

Teyla entered the room carrying flowers in vibrant shades of purple, and combed through Elizabeth’s hair, placing the flowers around the crown of her head.  “You look very pretty,” she remarked.

“Teyla, you don’t have to try to make this easier.  It won’t be,” Elizabeth assured her.

Teyla smiled.  “We have undergone far worse on missions.”

Elizabeth sighed.  “I know.  It’s just...there’s a line between my personal life and my professional life I don’t like to cross.  And this is far over that line.”

Teyla’s fingers brushed the back of her neck.  “There is nothing to be ashamed of.  You will be amongst women who have all gone through the same ceremony.”

“Except for three particular men,” Elizabeth smiled, just as Relia appeared and announced it was time to walk back to the village.

 

“Have they all been hiding under rocks?” Rodney asked as a man jostled against him.

Several men had appeared from the outskirts of the village, and were finding places to sit at the back of the crowd.  Male servants now walked around with platters containing miniature cakes.

“To be honest, I’m a little tired of eating sweets,” John said.

“I never thought I would agree with you,” said Rodney, withdrawing his empty hand from a serving platter, “but, ah, the novelty’s just not there when it’s your only choice of food.”

“Still tastes fine to me.”  Ronon licked his fingers and reached for another cake.

A hush fell over the crowd, and two girls walked to the clearing, followed by Elizabeth.  Teyla stood nearby.

“So how come Teyla’s not being honored in this ceremony?” John asked to no one in particular.

“Doesn’t apply to her,” Ronon said.

“Just tell us what they are doing,” Rodney begged.

“You’ll see.”

“My children, tonight we celebrate a visitor,” Relia announced, striding toward the crowd.  “The goddess has touched her with the blood rite for many moons, yet she has never undergone the ceremony of womanhood.  Her friend shall now present her with the honor of womanly possessions.”

Teyla stepped up to Elizabeth and placed a pouch in her hand.  “Red raspberry leaf tea, to aid in fertility and feminine strength,” she said as quickly as possible.  She then handed her a small bottle.  “Herbs to alleviate the pain and draw you closer to the earth.”  Finally, she drew a hand mirror out of a cloth sack.  “And a mirror, so that you may watch yourself grow wiser as the goddess Aphroditulus watches over you.”

“Thank you,” Elizabeth said quietly.

“We shall now sacrifice the garments of childhood to the goddess and shed the last vestiges of the girl’s life for the woman’s,” Relia explained.

Parnella set Elizabeth’s clothes on the ground and doused them with alcohol, then set fire to them.

The crowd cheered.

“What?” Rodney squealed.

“The hell is this ceremony,” said John.  “Why are they talking about childhood and woman-”

All of a sudden he and Rodney looked at each other.  Rodney’s face contorted into a look of terror.  “Oh God,” he moaned.

Ronon was laughing so hard he had doubled over, attempting to catch his breath.

Servants came around carrying bottles of wine, and John and Rodney both grabbed a goblet and quickly drank it down.

Elizabeth and Teyla soon joined them.  Actually, Teyla was dragging Elizabeth by the arm.  They were both carrying goblets of wine as well.

John held his glass up to Elizabeth and said, “Congratulations.  You’re a woman.”

“Shut up,” Elizabeth said, and raised her glass to her lips.

“So, anyone up for negotiating some pastries?” Rodney asked.

“No,” everyone said in unison.

  
  


After drinking several glasses of wine night, most of the shame had finally worn off, and Elizabeth and Teyla retreated to their tent while John, Rodney, and Ronon went back to their own.

“This is actually quite nice,” said Elizabeth, sniffing the herbal concoction Teyla had given her as a gift.

“We used salves made of the same herbs on Athos,” Teyla explained.  “It is a very strong pain reliever and helps you sleep.”

“Excellent,” said Elizabeth, rubbing some on her arm.

She slept better than she had ever slept on the hard ground before.

The villagers gave them a few pies even though they had decided not to go through with the trade, as a thank-you gift for pleasing the goddess.  Three women found out they were pregnant the morning after the ceremony, and they gave Elizabeth credit.

As they approached the Stargate, Elizabeth turned to Teyla.  “I can’t go through wearing this,” she said, motioning to her white ceremonial gown.

Teyla smiled.  “It is all you have.”

Rodney dialed the gate and they all stepped back into Atlantis’ gate room.

Elizabeth tried to make a break for her quarters to change before the debriefing, but she ran into Zelenka halfway to the transporter.

“Elizabeth?” he asked, surprised.  “What are you wearing?”

“Oh, it’s just…”  She sighed.  “It’s a long story.”

“Woooooow,” she heard behind her, and turned around to see Cadman standing there.  

“Looking snazzy, Dr. Weir,” Chuck commented.

“You look like a real woman.”  Elizabeth glanced in the direction of that comment to see Lorne holding a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh.

“All right.”  Elizabeth held her hands up.  “What did John and Rodney tell you?”

“That you had pie,” Cadman said.

“And?” Elizabeth pressed.

“And that you’ve been initiated into the embarrassing moments on other planets club,” Cadman said.  “Welcome.”

“Yes.”  Elizabeth smiled.  “I suppose that had to happen eventually.”

She made a mental note to pack her entire toiletry supply on the next off-world mission.


End file.
